I am sick and tired of Germany constantly getting crap about the Nazis. Germany produced Hitler, but the US produced Bush ok? If I hear one more damn joke about Germans and Nazis I'm going to scream. I am German and I am bloody offended. IT IS NOT FUNNY when: A coworker says Germans are having a bad week and you reply with something to the extent of well it makes it even. SCREW YOU. Stop blaming the German citizens for Hitler! Its like blaming all of the US for Bush when the majority of us didn't fucking vote for the man. GET OVER IT. I'm sick of the Germany crap. It's an awesome country. Now go shut your ignorant mouths up! Oy.

Microsoft Word formatting SUCKS big time!

OY!

Yeah, I'm really not so sure about this being able to be friends with Kat. I had sent her an email earlier today because I was upset. She didn't email back. But she calls me tonight and bitches and bitches about her boss. It's always bloody about her. HA! At least I don't have to live with that bundle of negativity anymore. Jesus H. Christ. And since we are trying to be friends I made the stupid mistake (you know you see this coming) of telling her about CB and she of course says "Well it takes two to tango". Well Fuck you. I at least have never left someone while they were sick unlike some people I know. It's no different then leaving someone who is in the middle of undergoing chemo therapy.

I don't believe this staying friends works. I'm really not sure how I'm going to be able to deal with her in circle. Buh Bye!! See Ya! I don't have to deal with you and I don't have to play nice and cater to her freaking tantrums and I don't have to listen to how I have all the problems and she has no problems what so fucking ever. I'm not the only one with issues ms. thing. And I'm damn sure she's reading this blog because in my email to her I didn't tell her how CB hadn't called, yet she said to me "well he turned and ran huh". Hi Kat having fun reading? Don't get pissy with me when you read my blog and read things about you, it's my damned blog.

Damn you CB for making me feel like a piece of crap. Damn you for leading me on, knowing the entire time you're married, fucked up relationship or not. Damn you for promising to call to talk about it and more than a week later you haven't. I'd like to be mad at you but I'm too busy being mad at myself. I want to call you but I'm trying with all of my willpower to resist calling or emailing or text messaging because I don't want to intrude on your regular reality. I know I was just a brief break from your reality but a little communication would make me feel a little less like a whore which is what I really feel like right about now.

And I don't want one lecture about how I knew what I was getting myself into. I had no fucking clue you'd be married and drop the MS thing on me within the space of 45minutes.

Of course CB still hasn't called the pathetic ass. He probably went whimpering home and confessed to his wife and won't talk to me now like some other ass I slept with before. Someone shoot me if I even think of sleeping with another married man again. it's nothing but trouble. And as my new therapist pointed out, CB had a choice. He led me on for a week, and then waited to tell me in person that he was married. How was I supposed to say no with him having dinner right next to me. FUCK YOU CB. You knew I was damn vulnerable because of Kat leaving me. You know I'm very sensitive and you know how I react in these types of situations. So fuck you for hurting me. I'm not going to be mad at myself anymore, I didn't do anything wrong (ok nothing unforgiveable). You are the one that cheated on your wife. And don't fucking promise to call if you aren't because that's just bloody rude. If you care, like you claim you do, you'd suck it up and call me so I can chew you out on the phone and tell you what a prick I think you are.

PS You are no where near as good as I imagined. (Of course him telling me he was married first might have had something to do with it)

Boy I just can't stop blogging today. Now if only people would COMMENT!! HINT!

Kat has an old back up hard drive that she was going to give me once she copies the old stuff off of it. But knowing her, it's going to take her 4 months to do it. This old drive isn't that great and only works kinda of. She just isn't getting the message, keep the damn thing. I don't want to feel obligated to watch her rats. I'm buying a new back up hard drive from Apple today at the store, one that I know will bloody work relaibly. Screw her.

When I asked Kat who her new babysitter for the rats were she wouldn't tell me. Whatever. She has a new girlfriend? Great. I just get screwerd everywhich possible way recently. Well fuck her. Fuck the damn planet for screwing me again and again. The computer being fixed is a nice follow up to getting Simba, but I need someone to talk to. Excuse me, I need to go cry.

If I'm going to be constantly fucked, shouldn't I be enjoying it????

PS I appologize to people who know us in real life and are friends of both of us.

My back still hurts. My back is crusty and gross, even touching the new tattoo hurts like hell. My job sucks big time right now. However, I did find a few more places to apply to today. I know I haven't been looking that long yet, but waiting for the call backs sucks big time. I WANT A NEW JOB. I don't want to be treated like I'm an imbicile, yet I am

and please don't think I'm racist or republican, but God Damn it, if you come to this country LEARN ENGLISH so we can bloody understand you!

As Kayne West so elloquently put it the other day: "George W. Bush hates black people"

He does indeed. The images of him hugging cleaned up non dirty residents of New Orleans make me want to vomit. What makes me smile is watching Harry Connick Junior take the T shirt off his back (He had only waders on) and put it on an elderly man still stuck on his front porch and unable to move. Harry Connick Junior rescused the man with camera crews and took the man to ambulances who couldn't get an iv in because he was so dehydrated.

The entire FEMA should be fired. I'm discusted beyond words

a paper cut in the webbing between the thumb and index finger. OUUUCCCHH! I've had it for days and it isn't getting better. The sweat was running into it last night at the Ani Difranco concert and it was driving me crazy. I have a band aid on it now but its not helping much.

While I'm still really excited and happy that my sister is engaged, I can't help but be jealous. I want to go cry someone because some ignorant jackasses can hold the country hostage and decide who I can marry. It's not fair that I can't marry my soul mate just because she's a woman. It just isn't fair. Kat knows damned well that I want a ring even if we can't be recognized by the government. But who knows if she'll ever propose.

He's a good actor but the man is bloody insane. I'm sorry but Scientology is a cult not a religion. I am so infuriated with his comments how psychiatry isn't a science and that it's all bull shit. I suffer from chronic, severe depression. And he just wants me to cheer up? Cheer this asshole. And don't get me going on his comment about Brooke Shields. He said she should take some vitamins. In case you missed the story, Brooke Shields suffered from post partum depression after the birth of her child. Tom Cruise, you are doing a HUGE disservice to people everywhere. What do you have to say to the parents of children who have committed suicide? Do you want to tell them their children just needed vitamins? Give me a fucking break. Tom Cruise, I know you don't know me or care about my opinions, but you are an asshole and an ignorant piece of shit. Nicole Kidman is 100X better off without you and your ignorant, brainwashed ideas.

Big time. It took me all day yesterday to work up the nerve to call her because I was really anxious. She KNOWS I have a really hard time calling her. But I finally manage to call her. When she calls me back, instead of getting my normal supportive therapist, I get raving bitch therapist (not really, I'm just pissed off. She wasn't actually rude or anything). What I got was a lecture on my lack of eating and how the prozac can be causing the irritibilitiness. She made me so upset I was crying though I don't think Mother Sugar realized I was crying because of her. I had inteded to talk to her about how depressed I was but when I got the lecture I completely shut down and wasn't able to talk. This is me giving her the middle finger. Bitch. If she reads this, than so be it, she usually figures out when I'm mad at her anyway. But I have no intention of calling her EVER. I can be on the ledge of a building about to kill myself and she won't be hearing from me. SCREW HER. She said to feel free to call her after group this evening. YEAH RIGHT. She won't be hearing from me. FUCK FUCK FUCK. Now I don't have any damed therapist to call. Mother Sugar pissed me off, General Joy is an annoying bubble head and my shrink is a bitch as well. Just. Fucking. Lovely.

This is MY BLOG! And if I want to be rude and obnoxious than I will. I have every sympthy for Terry Schiavo's parents. I can't even begin to imagine the loss, the hurt and suffering they have been through. But I'm sorry, they are deluding themselves. They need people to stop being all cushy and supportive. It's been 15 years folks and she ain't coming back. THe parents need a dose of reality because people are being too easy on them. Come on, wake up and smell reality. I truely am sorry for the loss of their daughter (I have an eating disorder too). But I will not be all sugary sympathetic for them when they are being selfish twits. I will not. This is my blog and I'll be straight to the point and rude if I feel like it. And I don't think I'm being rude. I'm stating my opinion and chances are very slim they will actually see this. By chance if they do, maybe it can jar them a little back to reality and out of this self deluding world they've been living in for 15 years.

I saw a post that really has my feathers ruffled.The whole Schiavo case. Let the woman die with some dignity Jesus people. The husband has turned down several offers of money to keep this woman alive. It is NOT ABOUT THE MONEY! AHHHHHHHH. The man is entitled to move on with his life. He has not abandoned her. For Fucks sake we treat animals better than we treat humans in this country. If the fucking religious freaks and insanely brain washed republican dictators hadn't made this country so FUBAR than we would be able to euthanize Teri Shiavo and end this total stupidity.

Note to Teri's parents: GET A FUCKING GRIP. She IS NOT coming back. You are deluded. You need lots of therapy. You need to let go of your daughter and let her die with dignity. You are completely selfish shits. YOU are the selfish ones, not her husban. You are the morally irreprensible ones, not her husband. You need to have a life outside of taking care of her. She is brain dead and has no clue what is going on around her. Now let go and let her die.

I WANT MY THERAPIST BACK!!!!!

*stamps foot*

But looking oh so cute and pathetic.

Now, everyone in my circle KNOWS FULL WELL I DO NOT under any circumstances like chocolate cake. (yeah I know, get over it). I know my birthday isn't the only one being celebrated this ritual, but you'd think they would take my tastes into consideration. Guess what kind of cake we're having this weekend??? Chocolate. I"m so furious it's ridiculous. Everyone knows I don't like chocolate cake. I refuse to say anything, I just won't eat it. Not a problem as I'm not eating much anyway. Now they could be thinking oh she's anorexic anyway, why should we get a cake she will eat if she's not going to be eating it anyway. But somehow I think they're just being inconsiderate twits again. No one gives a shit about what I like to eat anyhow. So FUCK THEM. I'm not eating any of their damned food. They have me so upset about it because they know better. This is such bullshit. There is one or two people who, when they saw the email about us having chocolate cake, shook their heads because they know me. I suspect they may bring something more up my alley for me because they're very good like that. Last year when circle made some odd desert I didn't like this wonderful couple brought strawberries dipped in chocolate because they knew I'd be hurt. I just hope they noticed this time. Dont' even get me going on the chocolate cake though, I'm pretty pissed.

First let me start off with I've known Angel (Not her real name) for a long time. She's a fantastic hair stylist and even yesterday gave me a fantastic hair cut. I've known her for 10 years or so. I met her when a local pagan store (now defunct) had open. Anyway, she's known me through out a lot of my up and downs. There's an event in our past which I doubt I'll ever forgive her completely for. I've let it go and will still remain friends (though not close ones) with her. I don't want to go into that event deeply, but let's say it involved a suicide attempt on my part and a not so good handling of the situation on Angel's part.

So last night, because my car is temporarily out of commission, I metroed out to the closest metro station to Kat's office. She got hung up at work and I ended up waiting half an hour in the cold and wet. Once she picked me up, we went to Angel's house to get haircuts. She's been privy to my suicide attempts and depression, I'll talk to her about my problems.

You know, Spam is really really annoying, but with all the things out there to control it, it doesn't upset me all that much. In fact, there are a whole lot worse things to get bent out of shape over, lets say oh who won the election and what not. But really offends and hurts me is the links I get to rape images and stories. How can any one find it amusing to send these links to rape victims? These people who do this spaming should be ashamed of themselves. Asswipes. I really don't need to see the word rape over and over again in my comments, it upsets me.