hey cornzie
it was so great to see you tuesday. jeff is so great! stephen and i really really like him. he seems nice and quiet, he doesn't talk over you, he lets you be you. he's great. and so are you.
we'll miss you while we're away. remember to kiss the daphne for me.
xo
mela

Yeah, I'm pretty sure life doesn't get any better than this.

Earlier in the week my sister and her husband met Jeff. I just got an email from my mother who quoted Melanie as saying "They'll just have to wait until we're back (they're travelling for 9 months) for the wedding"

*Giggle* BLUSH*

Last night while driving back to his place from his sisters he was saying he was high maintenance because he needs constant reassure that everything is ok and that he needs to know I still like him. I told him that it wasn't a big deal as I can be high maintenance as well and that we'd be high maintenance together. That's when he said we'll need a good mechanic. :-)

So last night I got to meet Jeff's sister. She and her partner are both very sweet. We had dinner together and hung out. I had a great time. Now tomorrow, Jeff gets to meet My slightly delusional Elven friend. That should be really entertaining to say the least.

He loves cats, he likes children, he adores his sister and he doesn't seem to mind that I get quiet sometimes or that I sometimes have a hard time making decisions. He's also told me that he wants to take things kind of slow since it's only been 2 months since my break up with Kat. (Actually, its been 3 but who cares). I can hold his hand in public without worrying, he's affectionate, cares about his friends and always sends me an email and or calls every day.

But it's been a week since CB said to me "I'm not ignoring you and will respond to your email"

SNORT! Not ignoring me?? Yeah, and Bush is smart. I. Don't. Think. So. Buddy. But nice try anyhow. I'm not a fucking idiot. I get the hint asshole, you won't hear from me again.

So anyone want to ask me questions about my super cute awesome boyfriend who doesn't take me to a hotel, has an amazing place and couldn't possibly be any sweeter if he tried? Have I mentioned his place is immaculate, he shows up when he says he's going to and he calls me beautiful????

I had to wait for her, *eye rolling* of course. She can't get anywhere on time. But as soon as I saw her, my eyes started tearing up. I grabbed the postcard and went and got the tickets. I took a sneak peak and had 3rd row seats! CRINGE! But despite having awesome seats, Im glad I didn't go because just seeing her for 5 minutes made me sad. So I grabbed the tickets, just about flung them in her face, grabbed my backpack and got out of there. I didn't make eye contact, I kept looking at the ground. I said have fun and just about ran away. I cried almost the entire way back to the metro. As I was leaving she said See Ya in a tone like Good Riddance. That really bloody hurt. How much does she have to hurt me? I was talking about it with my mom last night and my mom said it's just her way of dealing with it. Kat is acting like nothing is wrong as a defense mechanism. She doesn't apprantly want to show me she's sad or whatever so instead she comes across as uncaring and hostile. And while that makes sense, it doesn't hurt any less. I still have to wonder if she ever really loved me.

Long Post...

Kat finally calls me and tells me she has someone to go with her to the concert. So I just have to meet her in front of constitution hall around 630 to get the tickets and then I can go home. She just has this uncanny ability to hurt me with a single phrase or tone of voice and its making me sad. Its also making me really happy that I'm not having to spend hours with her this evening. She goes into how she called everyone she knew and no one could go. She finally got the person who is taking care of her rats (formerly our rats *sniff* *Sniff*) to go with her. But Kat of course can't just be an adult she makes a snide remark about how it was the last thing I ever had to do with just her. I'm beginning to wonder if she ever loved me at all. How could I have been so blind? How could I have loved her with my entire soul, my entire being, and she not care about me at all? I feel like I've been completely used.

I have to wonder if CB is reading this blog. I use it in my signature in my personal email so that's how he would have gotten the address. On the night we had met up he had told me he was shocked to discover I was 32. I couldn't figure out how he would have known that. The only thing I can figure is that I forgot to delete it on an email exchange and now he's following the blog to figure out when its safe to contact me. *Snort* as if he would go through that much trouble. HA. In anycase I think it's likely he's stopped by acouple times. Oh well if he has. At least he knows about my boyfriend.

My boyfriend asked me to sleep over this weekend!!! EEEEKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, so we've already had sex. But if he didn't like me as well he wouldn't ask me to sleep over. Plus both of his cats also asked and everyone knows I can't say no to an animal! Have I mentioned itchy and scratchy are incredibly cute?

*Blush* He is so damned sweet!

Yeah, I'm really not so sure about this being able to be friends with Kat. I had sent her an email earlier today because I was upset. She didn't email back. But she calls me tonight and bitches and bitches about her boss. It's always bloody about her. HA! At least I don't have to live with that bundle of negativity anymore. Jesus H. Christ. And since we are trying to be friends I made the stupid mistake (you know you see this coming) of telling her about CB and she of course says "Well it takes two to tango". Well Fuck you. I at least have never left someone while they were sick unlike some people I know. It's no different then leaving someone who is in the middle of undergoing chemo therapy.

I don't believe this staying friends works. I'm really not sure how I'm going to be able to deal with her in circle. Buh Bye!! See Ya! I don't have to deal with you and I don't have to play nice and cater to her freaking tantrums and I don't have to listen to how I have all the problems and she has no problems what so fucking ever. I'm not the only one with issues ms. thing. And I'm damn sure she's reading this blog because in my email to her I didn't tell her how CB hadn't called, yet she said to me "well he turned and ran huh". Hi Kat having fun reading? Don't get pissy with me when you read my blog and read things about you, it's my damned blog.

Here's my favorite so far:

I don't know what to do about the circle that I'm in. Part of me wants to drop out because I don't think I'm going to be able to handle seeing Kat in that situation. I joined that circle when we got together. It's going to be absolutely heartbreaking for me to go to circle and not hug her, and not sit next to her. I just don't think I can do it. However, if I don't continue to go, I'll have no friends what so ever. I'm so torn.

I can't believe I forgot to tell you this hysterical thing that happened during my sisters wedding. My sister's husband (EEEEKK!) has 3 brothers and 2 of them are married and have children. One of the children was being a bit fussy durring the ceremony as children are prone to do. The mother tried everything to get the little one to be quiet. She even sent the daughter over to Daddy to see if that would quiet her down. She soon toddled back over and was fussy again. So as her mother scooped her up and was walking down the aisle and out of the room where the ceremony was, the little one calls out at the top of her lungs "Buh-Bye Daddy". Of course everyone brokeup laughing. It was so freaking funny. And I swear, she litterally said Buh Bye Daddy. And she's all of 1 1/2 years old. Pricesless.

This won't be as funny as the title implies. My friend, whom I lovingly call Camel Breath per his request, can never, ever keep an appointment with me. Every single time we have plans to have dinner, he cancels at the last minute. I am seriously getting a complex. We have a very odd complex relationship that sometimes is brotherly-sisterly but yet sometimes we have so much sexual chemisty that I'm surprised we haven't slept together yet. *snort* I'm thinking a little to highly of myself. If he wanted sex, he wouldn't cancel. Whatever, I can't imagine having sex with Camel Breath would be one of my better ideas. But he is totally hot. It's sort of like that Moonlighting thing. Once they had sex, the show was so over. So its probably good he has no idea I'd sleep with him.

My Baby sister was THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRIDE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't wait to have pictures to share. She took my breath away. Love you melly!!!

My sister's wedding was absolutely amazing. I know I'm biased, but I swear she was the most beautiful bride ever. When my mom gets back with her camera from her vacation, I'll put up photos we have already. But, to sum up some perfect moments:

1- Melanie and Stephen had just finished the first round of photographs with the photographer. He was reloading his camera with film when I spotted the two of them facing out a window, Melly had a glass of wine in her hand. It was beautiful with the two of them just standing there looking out. I grabbed the photographer and made him take photos of them like that. They were so beautiful.

2.- It was the second or third dance and I saw Melanie put her head against Stephen's chest and she may have been crying, her shoulders were shaking.

My mom recently told her best friend that I had been dumped. So she's now on a crusade to fix me up with someone when I'm ready to. She says to my mom "I have a cousin who'd be perfect for her, execept that he's dead." Just a minor detail. *Snort*

My Ex is pissing me off and I don't give a damned if she sees this post or not. The week I get back from my sister's wedding is when she's decided to take vacation (Side note: remember how it was too expensive to go to my sisters wedding? Here is me giving her the finger). My parents will be out of town so I have to watch my cat and their cat. Plus I have to now take care of the rodents. She blackmailed me into agreeing to it by saying otherwise the rats would have to go to the vets for boarding. Plus, at the end of July early part of August, I agreed to watch the rats. And finally in the fall she's going to Germany and which I agreed to watch the girls again. I'm feeling really used right now. I want to tell her to fuck off, board the rats and just have nothing to do with her anymore. I'm so pissed. I can't drop everything for her. I should just cut the ties with her and the rats no matter how much it hurts because I can't do this. I don't even want to go to circle with her I'm so mad.

I have 30 something days to write a toast for my sisters wedding. Crap. Has anyone written something like this? I don't even know where to start!

Things with Kat are so odd right now. It's like both of us realize that the relationship is over but neither one of us wants to be the one to cut the cord. Sigh, but the more I think about it, the more I think this is the right thing to do. One thing that annoyed me was that I was talking with my mother about all of this and how I'm going to miss the rats. My mom says we'll get you a kitty cat. As awesome as that idea is, getting a kitten is not going to replace me loosing the girls. I kind of wanted to smack her for saying that. Although I've never been a dog person, I'm finding myself thinking alot about getting one. But I don't think my parents would let me get a dog when I move back in with them. Never mind the fact I've never had a dog and wouldn't have any idea on how to take care of one.

My brother in law to be's father has cancer again in his mouth. This is the third time I believe he's had it. Have I mentioned it's 40 something days until the wedding?? He has to immediately go in for chemo and radiation. He'll probably be too sick frrom the chemo and radiation to come to the wedding. My sister apparantly wanted to delay the wedding, but this is a huge monstorous affair with people flying in from other countries so we can't really delay it. I really wanted to meet him too. Even if he's republican. We don't know much yet, he has to get more tests done so we don't know if it's spread yet. Of course my sister and her fiance are really sad, and understandably so.

During dinner the other night, Kat and I were having dinner at my parents with my sister and two half brothers. We were having hysterical conversation about grammar and how we all cringe when someone says it’s real good. Last time I checked, it was really good. I really feel like slapping the newscasters when they say real good. OY!!! We went over laying down vs. Lieing down. And by the way, you lie down to sleep. We also reviewed the may vs. can though that didn't bring the hysterical laughter that the other ones did. It was rather funny because we all ended up deliberately using bad grammar for the rest of the conversation. Only in my insane family would we find this funny. Other people would just stare at us like we are insane. I can't describe it very well. You just had to be there.

ARG!! I'm ready to throttle her!!! She still hasn't blocked off hotel rooms (her wedding is at the end of June). She also hasn't said anything else about the bridesmaids dresses. I'm so excited and want to do something but she isn't letting me. ARG! All I want to do is make a hotel reservation and look at Brides Maids dresses

One of the coolest xmas presents was black Dr. Martins which had purple flowers on them. They are so awesome. Of course I also got books, cds. clothes etc as well.

Some one remind me to NEVER, EVER have a big fancy wedding. I think my sister and my mom are going to kill each other by the time the wedding comes around. On a related note, I finally got to see pictures of my sister's wedding dress and it is GORGEOUS. Unfortunately I can't post the pictures in case anyone stumbles across this blog so you'll just have to wait to june.

Anyhow the fighting is coming in because my mom wants all the bridesmaids to wear the same designer/same dress. My sister wants every bridesmaid to buy her own dress in a color she decides on. My mom bitches at me about my sister and my sister bitches to me about Mom. Of course I decided to interviene because I would like to have some sanity left in me by the time the wedding actually comes around. The good thing about this is that I can pretty much get the bridesmaid dress that I like once my sister sends around the details on what she wants.

My sister's engagement party was yesterday. As I type this I am uploading the photos to Flicker so you can see them there. The sad thing was that we learned that my step grandmother (my grandfather divorced my grandmother and married his secretary) died. It's sad, but she was a racist republican so I refuse to morn her all that much. It's sad because she's been around my entire life but I can't forgive her for being racist.

The first people to show up at the party where my sisters God parents. I've always hated them because they've always showered Melanie with attention while I got completely ignored. At one point the woman comes up to me and says Hi i'm so and so. I looked at her and said I know who you are and walked off. Me bitter? Never. but she deserved it. You don't play favorites with children. I know I should be over it but I'm not.

I got a raging headache around 630pm which is from the Lamictal I'm on. I looked it up on the internet and one of the side effects is headaches so... I'm hoping they'll go away.

Happy Birthday Mom!!!!!!!!

Click to enlarge

My sister just called me and told me she got engaged to her boyfriend. I Love Stephen. He is the nicest, sweetest guy. I've been hoping for a long time that they would get engaged. He flew them to Amsterdam for the weekend and proposed to her. *Sniff* My baby sister is all grown up. But I am SOO happy for them!!!

She called me last night and asked as usual what I had for lunch. I hestitated but I told her. She was getting all attitudinal with me again, She says "You promised me you would eat" and so I said to her You really need to call and make an appointment with Mother Sugar. She says to me "I don't have time for that. She doesn't tell me anything anyway." I was so close to hanging up on her. If I had cancer she'd have time to talk to my damned doctors. For God's Sake Mom! I'm really fucking close to going to the hospital and all you can do is bitch and moan? Screw you lady, if your refuse to understand that's your problem, not mine.